What Happened to Hazel Grace?
by sweetredrose2100
Summary: This is a short story from Hazel's POV after the book ends. If I get a decent response to this, I will keep going!


What became of Hazel Grace?

It's been two months since Gus died. I've been a wreck, but that's just a side effect of your boyfriend dying. All my mother has done for these past two months is hover. I know she means well, but it is really annoying. I can't tell her to leave me alone because that will hurt her and I know she does what she does because she's worried about me. I mean looking at my situation objectively I'd be worried about me too. I haven't gotten out of bed much lately, not because of the cancer, but because everywhere I look I see some reminder of Gus. So it's been easier to just stay in bed. I am ashamed to admit that I haven't really talked to Isaac since the funeral because again I am reminded of Gus. Damn I miss him.

Mrs. Waters had given me one of his basketballs. She told me that she knew that I had no interest in basketball, but felt that Gus would want me to have something to remember him and this was the only things that she could think of. Obviously I had taken it, but to me the most precious thing I had are the memories. Sure there weren't a whole lot, but as I had said to him, he had given me a forever in his limited days and that forever was the most important thing. The only thing that I regret is that I didn't have very many pictures of him. Sure I had a few from the trip to Holland, but I feel that had I known he was dying I would have taken a lot more pictures. Gus's ball is sitting on my desk, I get up out of bed and grab it off my desk and bring it back to bed with me. I know it's stupid, but having that ball in my arms, somehow, makes the world seem like it will be ok. I hook myself up to my breathing machine and slowly drift off to sleep.

I awake, not fully aware exactly what time it is. I grab my phone off my bed side table and click it on. It reads 2:40 am. I set it down and try to rearrange myself into a comfortable position. I try to fall back asleep, but it seems that my body has gotten all the sleep it wants for now. So I hook myself to the portable oxygen tank and grab my laptop off my desk. I poke at the power button and it turns on. I open a word document and just start typing. I want to record every memory I have of Gus before I lose them. It's not that I have a bad memory or anything. It's more I am afraid that the lack of oxygen will rob me of those memories. I frantically type and just try to get everything down. I write a whole page on the first time we met. His wonderfully beautiful face, his eyes and how everything with him was all about metaphorical resonance. I wrote another whole page about after meeting him and going to his house and meeting his parents the same day I had met him. Upon further reflection I realized that this is not necessarily how typical relationships work, but on the other had we definitely were not typical teenagers. I was lost in my memories and had no idea what time it was, but I was getting tired again. I saved the word document right out on my desktop with the name "Thanks for the Memories Augustus Waters". I powered down my computer and hooked myself back up to my nighttime oxygen and drifted off into a much more peaceful sleep. I think that was the first time I actually felt at peace with the world since Gus had died.

The next morning I woke up at 11:45 am. I decided that today was the day that I would get up and face the world. I unhooked my oxygen machine and attached the portable tank. I got up out of bed and went to my bathroom. I took a shower and got dressed. I went out to the living room and plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. My mom came out of the kitchen and was standing in the doorway with a huge smile on her face.

"Oh, Hazel I am so glad you are up out of bed. I was truly starting to get worried about you," she gushed.

She scurried over to the couch and threw her arms around me and squeezed. She pulled away and asked,

"What would you like to do today?"

"Just drown myself in America's Next Top Model reruns. I need to just take it slowly."

"Whatever you need to do, dear.

"Oh, Isaac called yesterday and asked after you," she added as an afterthought.

I grunted in acknowledgement and said, "Maybe I'll call him tomorrow."

I realize that I had been ignoring him, but it wasn't that I was truly ignoring him. It just hurt too much to be around him. I realized that it wasn't his fault that he had brought Gus and me together, but I just couldn't help feel like that sometimes and then inevitably I ended up feeling like a horrible human being. I pushed those thoughts out of my head and made an effort to replace those thoughts with more positive ones.

Each day I try to make better than the last, but some days it's not that easy. Some days it is a struggle just to get out of bed and move to the couch. I finally called Isaac back and had apologized profusely for not being a better friend. I started to explain my reasoning, but he told me that he needed no explanation, that he understood. God Bless Isaac!

"Counterinsurgence," I ask?

"Sure."

"Ok, I'll be over in a bit," I say.

I hang up and scramble out of my bed and go to my bathroom. I quickly take a shower. I throw on some clothes. I hurried as quickly as I could out to the living room. I quickly grabbed the car keys. I was hoping my mom wasn't going to notice, but unfortunately I wasn't that lucky.

"Where are you off to so quickly," she asked.

"Oh, just going to hang out with Isaac," I answered in a tone that I hope would convey how urgent this trip was, so as to not get asked anymore questions.

"Oh, ok. Just be home before 11," she said.

I was taken aback because usually curfew was 10, but I wasn't about to ask questions, not because I wasn't thrilled about an extra hour, but more because I want to see Isaac. I seemed to have found a new excitement for life. I wasn't sure what it was all about. I mean, yes, I hadn't seen Isaac since Gus's funeral, and that was certainly part of it, but truly there was something more. I finally felt like I turned the corner. While I would never be ok with Gus's, I felt that I had found my new normal. I pulled into Isaac's driveway and bounced (as well as a girl could hauling an oxygen tank) up to his front door. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I heard a voice from the other side of the door say it's open. I went in. I was greeted by Isaac's mother.

"He's downstairs," she said.

"Thanks," I said.

I went down stairs. The clunk that my oxygen tank made on each stair announced my presence to Isaac.

"Hey there, Hazel. How are you?" he asked.

"Eh," I say, "some days are better than others, but mostly they all just suck."

"I hear ya," Isaac says.

We didn't actually end up playing any video games. We just talked about Gus and about life in general.

The days passed and Isaac had become an everyday part of my life, not the way Gus had been. It was more that we were two friends brought even closer together by the loss of our best friend.


End file.
